If Blonde wants Shoes

A Blonde Wants a Pair of Alligator Shoes. A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Government Cutbacks

A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a Pepsi.

He stood by his car to drink his Pepsi and watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.

The other man would come along behind him and fill in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?"

"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us - me, Elmer, and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back.

Elmer's job's been cut... so now it's just me an' Leroy."

Blonde on Job

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.

The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.

Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?"

"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie."

The Heaven Clocks

A man dies and goes up to heaven. He sees the pearly gates and St. Peter. "Welcome to heaven. I'll guide you to your house." says Peter.

So they walk through a court yard full of clocks. A lot of clocks. "Whats with all the clocks?" asked the man.

"These are the clocks of all the people in the world. Everytime they lie, it jumps one minute in the future of their life. Here, let me show you." Peter moves over to a clock. "This is Jack, a car salesman, any moment, his clock will jump." Sure enough, about 3 seconds later it moved a minute forward. So they keep walking, and the man is seeing all his friend's and family's clocks.

He gets to his house and asks Peter, "Where is President Clinton's Clock?"
"Didn't you see it? Look up. We use it as a ceiling fan!"