Japanese Student

It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said: Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, "Patrick Henry, 1775", She said. "Very good!

Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?". Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863", said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do"

She heard a loud whisper: - "Screw the Japs - Who said that?" she demanded.

Suzuki put his hand up. - "Lee Iacocca, 1982". At that point, a student in the back said, - "I'm gonna puke".

The teacher glares and asks - "All right! Now, who said that?". Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991".

Now furious, another student yells, - "Oh yeah? Suck this!". Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!".

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shooey. If you say anything else, I'll kill you". Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001".

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shooey, we're in BIG trouble!" and Suzuki said, "Arthur Andersen, 2002".

what do you think...?:)

Things to do in the Elevator

What should you do when you are in the Elevator, try this:

1. When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap themon the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
9. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like toplay.
10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergencyprocedures and exits with the passengers.
12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15. Swat at flies that don't exist.
16. Tell people that you can see their aura.
17. Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead andmuttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space"

You did that ?? ....do it now

Illinois Man

A Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow"

Your Loving Husband

Sure is hot down here..!

She was so blonde

She was so blonde, she..

1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into thetypewriter
4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the boxsaid 2 to 4 years.
5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
7. When asked what the capital of California was, she answered C.
8. Burnt her nose bobbing for French Fries.
9. Baked a turkey for 5 days because the instructions said 1 hour perpound and she weighed 125.
10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those littlepackets.
11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.
12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.
13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said goodup to 20 pounds.
14. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

and Now...??